Here are four Life Lessons that we should all Learn and Follow! They point out the obvious, but sometimes we need to re-learn them in order to understand what they are teaching us before we can accept them and incorporate them into our own lives. Included in these four life lessons are some very basic emotions that we all encounter and have difficulties dealing with at some time in our lives.
- We need to learn that fitting in is not belonging, just as belonging is not fitting in.
Fitting in is assessing situations and groups of people, then twisting yourself into a human pretzel in order to get them to let you hang out with them!
Belonging is something else entirely, it is showing up and letting yourself be seen and known as you really are!
The Bottom Line Here Is:
Belonging starts with self-acceptance because believing that you are ENOUGH is what will give you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect.
When we don’t have that we shape-shift and turn ourselves into chameleons; we hustle for worthiness because we do not realize nor do we believe that we are already worthy. Keep believing it because YOU ARE ENOUGH!
2. Remember This…Guilt is Not Bad For YOU!
Actually, Guilt is good for you because it helps you stay on track.
Guilt occurs when we compare something we’ve done, or failed to do, with our personal values. The discomfort that results often motivates real change, and self reflection within us. It also motivates us to make amends.
Know the difference between guilt and shame. If you were to make a mistake that really hurt someone’s feelings, would you be willing to say “I’m sorry. I made a mistake.” If you are experiencing feelings of guilt, the answer is yes, “I made a mistake.” Shame, on the other hand is “I am sorry I made a mistake.” Shame doesn’t just sound different than guilt; it feels different. Once we understand the distinction between the two. Guilt can make us feel more positive about ourselves because it points to the gap between what we did and who we are, and thankfully we can change what we do!
3. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfectly, look perfect, and act perfect we can avoid blame, judgement and shame. Perfectionism keeps the focus on others.
Perfectionism is NOT about striving for excellence, and it is not about our personal growth and our achievements.
Healthy striving focuses on you! “How can I improve?” Perfectionism keeps the focus on others. It occurs when you ask “what will they think?” Repeat after me…”there is a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in!”
Vulnerability is not a weakness. It is probably the most accurate measure of our individual courage.
The only choice you have to make is how you handle those feelings of being terrifyingly and painfully exposed. Do you turn them into rage? Do you turn them into disconnection? Maybe you numb them? Maybe you turn them into perfectionism? What ever you do, you do something with them. The key , though, is to transform those feelings into courage.
To transform them into courage, you must learn to recognize the feelings, and feel them. Ultimately, you must make the choice to simply be there with that horrible tangible of uncertainty and risk.
You Are Awesome! Believe it!
I miss you already!
Please leave comments in the comment box below. I would love to hear your feedback on these life lessons. Do you agree with them? Do you need to be reminded of them from time to time like I do? What are your thoughts?
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