We always have to make choices in our lives and we are the ones who are responsible for those choices we’ve made.
And, based on the choices we’ve made we are all exactly where we are supposed to be in our lives.
Everyone responds to Stimulus in some way. We either choose to respond based on natural laws, our values and our principles. These choices are considered the proactive response. OR we can choose to respond to stimulus based on our feelings,and our emotions. These choices are considered the reactive response.
IT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENS TO US THAT IS MOST IMPORTANT. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IS HOW WE RESPOND TO WHAT HAPPENS TO US!
Our response comes with consequences!!!!!!!!!!
No matter what the stimulus is, if you are angry, you are angry because you yourself made the choice to be angry. You can be as angry as you want to be, that is your choice, but what you can’t do is blame someone else for being responsible for your anger!
It’s Your choice!
Your response can make or break a situation!
We all have a pause button. It has always been there. Maybe we just never learned how to use it? Between stimulus and response, there exists a space. In that space, we all have the freedom to choose our response.
You are thinking, “Do I have the freedom to choose my response in any given situation?” Yes you do! We all do! Not some of us- all of us!
This means that we are the ones who are responsible. We are responsible for our choices. Not someone else – US!
We make them!
Others may influence us, but they are not the ones that will determine what our choices will be. WE DO!
This is where we need to use our Pause Button! In the space between stimulus, and how we will respond to that stimulus, we need to choose calm over crazed, reasonable over senseless, and composed over fuming.
Give yourself a “three second” pause to preview how the situation would play out if you chose controlling hostility over peaceful compassion.
Are you going to be proactive or reactive?
When we are proactive we are most effective. We demonstrate self control, we make the situation better instead of worse, we build trust, we increase our influence, people think more of us, and we gain respect. Compassionate reactions and responses are a win, win for everyone involved.
We are not that effective in life if we are reactive. When we demonstrate our lack of control, responding with underling control, anger, exasperation and insensitivity, we only make the situation worse. We create distrust. We decrease our influence. People think less of us. We lose RESPECT!
You don’t always have to be right to always have things go the way you want them to!
The goal for reacting to each situation should be :
to speak in a way that you can be heard…
to listen in a way that the other person can be heard…
And …
to walk away feeling at peace with the way the situation was handled.
When you harness the power of the pause, you could save a morning, spare some pain, and prevent regret from being a life-long companion.
We are all human, so our responses may not always be perfect. But, wouldn’t it be really something if we could strive to offer responses underlined with grace, understanding, empathy, and care. Your responses are not just words. They represent who you are, who you want to be, and how you will be remembered someday. Try to respond by communicating with kindness and love. That would be something that could mean more than just words.
Strategies to choose the proactive response:
Look for the flowers, not the weeds, in situations and in people.
Silence your inner bully by repeating a phrase in your mind such as “only love today.”
Envision that your angry words are like a car crash that inflicts damage to the person on the receiving end.
I hope I have inspired you to take a quick pause and a deep breath! It may save you from overreacting and responding to a situation inappropriately! It may also save you from a life filled with regret!
You Are Awesome!
We Miss You Already!
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xoxoxo
Sookie and Sylvie
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